Tonight, when watching Deadliest Catch i saw the episode where Phil Harris passed away and it was so sad.
That made me remember my grandpa. I’m pretty sure he loved this show. I can tell you that he loved to fish. My grandfather probably had sea water running through his veins. He loved the beach.
My heart sinks when I start thinking about him because I honestly wasn’t ready to lose him, but that’s life. He was suffering from his pancreatic cancer and it was painful seeing him hurt. We all knew he was hurting. I remember the last few times I saw him. It hurt so much to be in that hospital room seeing him so out of character. I refuse to have my last mental image of him be him in that hospital bed. I picture him as the man who taught me how to swim, and how to fish, and to feed the squirrels.
A few weeks before he passed away, I asked my mom if she would ask my grandfather to write me a note. My grandmom told me he spent all night putting his energy into writing me this letter and that it was the last thing he wrote. As I read each word, it stung because I knew it could be days until he was taken to heaven. When I went to see him about a week before he passed away, I wrote him a letter. I told him how I just wanted him to be better and see me at my wedding. I wrote lyrics by Lee Brice in the note “Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy” and I thanked him for loving me and the whole family so much.
If I could tell anyone who knows someone who is losing a battle to cancer one piece of advice, I would just say cherish all the time you have with them. I WISH I would have went to see him just one more time. I think we all just wanted one more great memory with him. My grandmother got a perfect last memory because right before Grandpa died, He woke up and said to my grandmother “Come over here!” and then he gave her a few kisses. I could tell just by how the way she tells that last memory to people that their love is THE love that most people strive their whole life to find.
I’m sorry for this rant. I really missed my grandpa and I used to be really good at writing, so I figured I would just write until I stopped crying. I hope he’s in heaven watching over me and my family and that he knows how much we all miss him. I love you Grandpop, May you RIP